


You Are The Person I Want To Be With Everyday

by Mae (mae1505)



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: And Caring Dev, Falling In Love, For Ma Bestie, Friends to Lovers, Gift Fic, Hanahaki Disease, I dont know how to taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag, I'll go now, Light Angst, Multi, Ocasional Simon/Baz, Or Simon, Poor Confused Niall, So I'm not gonna write about Baz, This is a Dev/Niall fic, anyway, but not very much, enjoy, please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-03-09 12:29:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18917011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mae1505/pseuds/Mae
Summary: Hanahaki disease. It's a mysterious thing.A painful thing.And, for Niall, a confusing thing, because he hasn't got a fucking clue who he loves





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amelie_Jas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amelie_Jas/gifts).



> I'm late. I'M SORRY BABE STUFF HAPPENED I'M AN AWFUL BEST FRIEND.
> 
> anyway. HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR YESTERDAY BITCH ILY <333 enjoy my lameness.

**Niall**

 

I’m happy for them. 

And no, I’m not joking.

Great for Baz, you fell in love with your sworn enemy. And now you’re blissfully happy. Surrounded by the people you always looked down upon.

And that great. Great for Simon Snow, he had everything then nothing but now he’s got everything again. 

Just perfect. 

And why is it my business anyway? The last time I spoke to Baz was the night before the Leavers ball. When I basically told him I was happy for him and he told me he couldn’t care less.

_ “Who are you with tonight Baz?” I tried to make my voice as friendly as possible. _

_ “Why do you care?” He sneers dramatically. _

_ “Err, we’re friends?” I mean, we were still friends right? _

_ “Nobody. I’m with nobody. How about you?” He was pretending to care, like usual. _

_ “Same as you. Why isn’t Simon here?” Were we ever actually friends? _

_ “Simon?” His eyes instantly go dark, and he hides basically all trace of emotion. _

_ “Well, you’re like…” It was pretty fucking obvious, I saw Simon kiss his cheek once. _

_ “Niall, why don’t you just, like, leave me alone like you’ve been doing for the past month ok.” Jesus goddamn christ, he never actually liked me. _

_ “I’m just saying that I’m happy for you.” May as well be polite. _

_ “Niall, please god just fuck off.” He turned away and that was it. _

But I was right. Because they were kissing in the middle of the dance floor later. 

And then that was it. Maybe I was never truly “in the group”. After all, they’re both Grimm’s. Both posh, rich.

Well, who am I kidding. I’m posh, rich, one of the Old Families. But I was never “on top.

Baz is a Pitch. He’s ruthless. Perfect. He was the born leader of our little gang. And Dev was his cousin, and almost just as perfect, maybe even more so…

But when Baz left, I thought Dev would still act the same around me. Still be a best mate.

But he, well, I don’t know. He seemed  _ ashamed _ of me. 

Maybe I just never belonged…

And it sucks, you know. It really fucking sucks. I just wish…

But when you’re in a dingy old flat because your family kicked you out after you told them you were gay, wishing isn’t a privilege you own anymore.

I sigh, and roll off of my sofa to go make a sandwich, for lack of something better to do. And then I hear it; the faint buzzing of my phone against the kitchen side. I must have left it there last night.

I don’t remember last night, well, more specifically, I don’t remember drinking last night, but based on the beer cans littered around the floor of the sofa, I was once again chasing my sorrows into the oblivion of alcohol.

It’s Dev.

 

* * *

 

**Deviant Disaster :** Niall?

 

**Deviant Disaster :** can we talk?

 

**Ginger Ninja :** Talk bot wha

 

**Deviant Disaster :** are you drunk?

 

**Ginger Ninja :** Hangovr sorry talk about what

 

**Deviant Disaster :** About baz

 

**Ginger Ninja :** No

 

* * *

 

I let out a growl and throw the phone down, foregoing the sandwich for painkillers. My head’s really throbbing now, and I can’t think straight. 

I’m not talking about Baz. Not now. Not ever. Dev can go to hell with his fake concern for all I care.

I hear the buzzing continue, but I ignore it and head into my room, falling face-first on my bed.

Why? Why am I the one stuck here; a grey flat with peeling wallpaper living beside drug addicts, all alone. Why am I the one who wasn’t accepted by my family, why am I the one who even  _ needed _ to be accepted by my family.

What did they do to deserve to be happy?

I guess I can only speak for Baz on that part, since I don’t care enough to educate myself on Dev’s life. But two days ago I spent the whole night scrolling through his facebook profile (I actually do that quite a lot, and his tumblr…), I discovered he’s dating some girl called Maria that I vaguely remember him mentioning as ‘fuckable’, and she’s probably a member of one of the Old Families just to please his mother.

I think they have a flat together.

But I’m trying not to care.

 

**Dev**

 

A sigh escapes from somewhere in my throat and I give up texting him. I don’t know why I even bothered.

Maria calls from somewhere, she’s going out with her “girlfriends” or some shit. 

I wish I could muster up the confidence to just go talk to him, face to face. But I know he’d just shut me out, like Baz shut us out.

I mean, I wasn’t surprised to be honest. Baz spent more time staring at Simon with so much longing it was blindingly obvious than he did trying to fight him.

And am I mad? No, fuck no. Baz can do what he wants.

I guess I just thought nothing would change between us. He’d be dating Simon Snow, and we’d still be best friends.

But no. Obviously not.

Even so, I wasn't that pissed. After all, I would still have Niall…

And then I didn’t. And then he shut himself away, from all of us. I didn’t even know he was gay until his brother told me. 

I don’t know how to reach him. I don’t know how I should even try.

Whether I should even try...

And then my phone buzzes, but when I grab it, I don’t see Niall’s name on the screen.

 

* * *

 

**Gay Of Shadows :** What the fuck is up with Niall?

 

**Deviant Disaster :** you know that new nickname suits you

 

**Deviant Disaster :** why do you care?

 

**Gay Of Shadows :** Don’t be a prick Dev. 

 

**Deviant Disaster :** i’m not the one ignoring my friends

 

**Gay Of Shadows :** Are you actually going to do this now?

 

**Gay Of Shadows :** Look Dev for the first time in my life I’m actually happy, really happy, and I’m just concerned.

 

_ Photo.jpeg.ishedrunk? _

 

**Deviant Disaster :** shit

 

**Gay Of Shadows :** ‘You lucky pric and i hat u y do u gt to be haapy wy cant i be hapy’

 

**Gay Of Shadows :** Care to explain?

 

**Deviant Disaster :** mate ive got no idea

 

**Deviant Disaster :** i barely talk to him anymore

 

**Gay Of Shadows :** We should go and talk to him.

 

**Deviant Disaster :** why would i do that

 

**Gay Of Shadows :** …

 

**Deviant Disaster :** no you know what baz fuck you. you don't get to be concerned after dumping us for your boyfriend and new clique. am i happy for you? yeah sure, im ecstatic. But you don't get to do this.

 

**Gay Of Shadows :** Dev, just, if you talk to Niall, tell him I’m sorry. And that goes for you too.

 

**Deviant Disaster :** thanks so much baz. but it came too late

 

**\- Deviant Disaster has logged out -**

 

* * *

 

**Niall**

 

I had to get out. The walls and the grey and the sickly-sweet smell of a discarded home; they were all suffocating me. 

The walls, the grey, the sickly-sweet smell of a discarded home,  _ and _ the lack of anything alive but me.

I probably stink. I don’t think I’ve showered in about four days, and I’m wearing a ratty gray hoodie pulled up over my face that probably makes me look like a drug dealer. My ginger hair has gone from it’s usual red-orange to a murky brown with some orange streaks if you look close enough.

All I need is a strong coffee, then I’m going back home, ordering pizza, and not waking up for a day.

The barista at Puccino’s looks at me funny, but I couldn’t really give a shit to be honest. Who cares what anybody thinks of me anymore?

I collapse in a two-man table at the front of the restaurant to avoid anybody having to sit with me. Everybody in this shop is either an elderly couple or a four-unit family.

The coffee slides down my throat and for a single moment, the burning sensation is normal. Calming

But then I start to cough, and then I can’t breathe. I’m choking on something I didn’t know I’d swallowed, and brown liquid is coming right along up with red. Somebody is pressing a hand on my back and I’m fairly sure someone else is calling an ambulance, but my eyes are watering and I can barely see.

For a moment, I think it’s clearing up, but then the clenching in my throat gets even worse and I can actually feel something travelling up my throat. I fall to the stone floor, or maybe I was already on the floor, it’s hard to tell, and instincts take over, I start coughing as hard as I can, trying to bring up whatever the fuck is in my throat.

Black spots start swimming before my eyes, and somebody is screaming, but just before I think I’m about to pass out I can feel flakes of  _ something _ on my tongue, covered in burning phlegm, so I manage to raise the palm of my hand and spit directly into it.

A spray of purple, red and white petals fall into my hands, all flecked with red droplets. I can feel more coming, and my vision is slowly going black, but I still have enough basic thought process left to register the coloured, silky flakes.

Petals.  _ Flower _ petals.

  
I’m coughing up fucking  _ flower _ petals.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's always an easy route to death...
> 
> But are you going to take it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, to the very few that read this, I am back. And this is the second new update today, I am like a MACHINE currently. A writing machine powered by a green balloon and chocolate.
> 
> (Also, to my bestie, thank you for the Oreo's today, because otherwise I would still love you, but I wouldn't love you enough to write a second chapter of this)

**Dev**

 

I’m still in shock. 

The phone call came at three in the afternoon, just when Maria got back.

The Maria that probably hates me and will dump me as soon as I go home.

But how the fuck could I leave my best friend alone in the hospital?

His parents called me half an hour after he collapsed. I didn’t really grasp what they were saying.

 

_ “Devon honey, it’s good to speak to you...Well I’m calling because Niall collapsed today...No no, he’s fine...He’s with Doctor Wellbelove...well honey I think it’s best if you just go visit him...No we’re not there...I’ll call him and let him know you’re coming...no he’s still unconscious but he’s in a stable condition...thank you honey...ok I'll see you” _

 

His mother and father didn’t even come and visit him…

I’m holding his hand, and I don’t really know why. I just took it, as soon as I came in. Doctor Wellbelove’s assistant let me into Niall’s room. I’ve texted Niall’s brother Sebastian, but he’s at Watford and it’s exam week so I don’t expect an immediate response, and Baz, because he’s the only person I can think of that would care, but he hasn’t responded. I’m not surprised.

I jump as the door opens. Doctor Wellbelove sees me and smiles, holding a stack of papers.

“Devon, it’s good to see you. Thanks for coming toda -”

“Is he going to be ok?” I don’t usually interrupt people, but he’s pissing me off. First, he calls me Devon. And he’s kept me waiting for an hour, plus his voice is so relaxed, like my best friend isn’t lying in a coma next to me.

And he shouldn’t be thanking me. He should be thanking Niall’s parents, who should be here. But they aren’t…

“He’s, well, it’s complicated.”

He perches on the edge of Niall’s bed and holds out the top sheet of paper from his stack, but I don’t take it because I know I won’t understand. 

“It’s called Hanahaki disease.”

The way he says that flashes me back to fifth year. Baz was sitting in the library surrounded by a pile of books, and me and Niall walked in carrying his dinner. He’d been skipping because we had a research project and he couldn’t let Bunce beat him.

“Find any cool diseases I should know about?” Niall had swiped the book from infront of Baz and thrown the plate of sausages at him. He sneered but I could see in his eyes that Niall had made him want to smile.

Niall could make most situations better...

“Wait, hanahaki disease?” Niall flipped over a page in the book Baz had been holding as I burst into laughter.

He pronounced it in the same stupid way that Doctor Wellbelove had…

But I shake away the memory, because I don’t want to think of Niall happy while he’s still lying here on a hospital bed.

“I know what that is, I think.” I say, and when Doctor Wellbelove looks down at our entwined hands I quickly let go. “Unrequited love?”

“Right.” He straightens his papers and nods. “Flowers bloom in the lungs if you love somebody that doesn’t love you back. And as I’m sure you know, this will eventually lead to death.”

“Is there a cure?” I already know the answer, but the tiny bubble of hope in my heart deflates when he shakes his head.

“The only cure would be to have the person Niall loves love him back, but that’s not really an option, especially as we don’t know who that is. There is an option of surgery, but I would never send anybody to that operating table, there’s only a five percent chance of success and you’d be left with breathing problems for the rest of your life.”

“So he’s going to die then.” I’m trying not to sound vulnerable, but my voice cracks and I have to lower my head so Doctor Wellbelove doesn’t see the tears in my eyes. 

He squeezes my shoulder and stands, leaving the building. I look over at Niall, face clenched in pain, lying there unconscious. 

“Who do you love Niall?” I murmur, and I can feel tears sliding down my cheeks. I can’t lose him, I can’t lose the only person I’ve got left…

The entire world could vanish, but I wouldn’t care if he and I were the only ones left behind…

 

**Niall**

 

I groan, let out a hacking cough, and open my eyes. 

The first thing I see is Dev, asleep in a chair next to me.

The curtains are closed but pale light is streaming through the window, meaning that it’s probably morning…

How long has he been here?

I don’t want to watch him, but I do.

I always kind of, well,  _ knew _ that I liked him, ever since we met. I mean, it was him that helped me figure out I was gay, indirectly…

But I don’t love him…

Right?

No, I know I’m right.

I’m not a hopeless romantic, and I’m not stupid. I don’t like people who could like me back.

I knew that I had hanahaki from the moment I coughed up that flower petal. And yes, I don’t know who I love.

But, and as I think this I’m trying not to cry, which is pathetic, this is a road to death.

And at this point, I’m welcoming it.

 

**Dev**

 

Niall never woke up, or if he did he fell asleep again before I opened my eyes.

When Doctor Wellbelove told me he’d informed Niall’s parents of the disease and what was going to happen, they’d actually bothered to come see their son.

I left before they got there.

Niall’s brother texted me back, but it was just a short I hope he’s ok what’s the matter, and I don’t think I should be the one to tell him that his brother is going to die.

Baz, though, was a whole other story…

 

* * *

 

**Deviant Disaster :** nialls unconscious in hospital. dont know whats wrong yet just thought youd wanna know

 

**Gay of Shadows :** Any updates yet? What’s wrong with him?

 

**Deviant Disaster :** hanahaki

 

**Gay of Shadows :** That’s not a real disease.

 

**Deviant Disaster :** he coughed up tulip petals

 

**Gay of Shadows :** Shit.

 

**Gay of Shadows :** Is he awake?

 

**Deviant Disaster :** never woke up

 

**Gay of Shadows :** Did his parents show up?

 

**Deviant Disaster :** only after wellbelove told them niall was gonna die

 

**Gay of Shadows :** Fucks sake. Is he still open for visits?

 

**Deviant Disaster :** i would guess so

 

**Gay of Shadows :** Ok I’m going to see him.

 

**Deviant Disaster :** you dont need to do that baz

 

**Gay of Shadows :** I owe that much to him.

 

* * *

 

And I’m pathetic, but that was all it took for me to forgive Baz.

I just hope that Niall didn’t wake up whilst his parents were still there…

A small part of me wishes Maria was here. But she’d already moved her stuff out when I got home, though her friend did text me to say that was what she was planning anyway because she’d been cheating on me for two weeks.

If Niall was here, he’d smirk and say ‘Raise your hand if you’re not surprised…”

I sink onto the sofa and switch on the TV, running my hand through my hair.

If Niall was here, he’d laugh and say “You depressed fuck, go shag someone and get happy, you’re bumming me out…”

I really should shower, I should stop thinking like this.

If Niall was here, he’d throw his arm around my shoulder and force me to watch shitty Netflix sci-fi horrors on his phone

If Niall was here, he’d smile and say “Cheer up mate, if you smile I’ll give you a can of beer…”

If Niall was here, he’d insist we sneak up to the roof and get as close to the edge as we dared…

If Niall was here, he’d grab a massive sheet of paper and use rainbow highlighters to make the most elaborate plan to annoy Snow ever, just to piss Baz off…

If Niall was here, the world would be so, so  much brighter…

If Niall was here…

 

**Niall**

 

Waking up is the biggest shock of my life.

Dev isn’t on the chair next to me, he must have gone home. My parents aren’t on the chair next to me, thank god. Baz isn’t in the chair next to me, guess that’s wishful thinking.

No, Simon freaking Snow is in the chair next to me.

He’s dressed in a pink sweater and blue jeans, and his hair is tousled, and, very disturbingly, he’s smiling at me.

“When Baz told me you were here, I wanted to come.” 

I open my mouth to interrupt, but he waves a hand at me and carries on.

“It’s ironic, Dev was with you the whole day and you didn’t wake up. Your parents were here for like five minutes, they left those flowers by the way,” he gestures to a bunch of tulips in a vase beside me and I wonder if the universe is playing some kind of sick joke, 

“And I guess you’re glad you didn’t wake up then. And then Baz was here for like two hours, but you didn’t wake up still. I’ve been here five minutes, and now you’re awake.”

“Why are you here?” I meant it to be rude, but it comes out as genuinely curious, fuck. 

“Er, because I wanted to see if you were ok. And I wanted to be here. And I do have some expertise in areas of unrequited love.”

“I don’t know who I love.”

“Don’t lie.” He smiles again, and in his eyes I can see two things I hate. Happiness and incredible sympathy.

He also apparently matured about five years since Watford, and Baz must have rubbed off on him, because Simon Snow was never this eloquent.

“I’m not asking, or expecting, you to tell me who it is.” Well that’s good Simon, because I never would.

“And I’m not advising you to tell them the truth, because I can see you’re never gonna do that.” Again, that’s true.

“I can also see that you’re starting to black out.” Well Simon Snow is being very observant today apparently, but any fool could see that I was slipping, I’m falling back onto the pillow and my eyes are blinking closed.

He leans over me, in my last moments of consciousness.

 

“What I am going to ask though, Niall, is that you don’t just give up and let death take you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeet that was trash.
> 
> Sorry.
> 
> I'll see you next time...
> 
> Maybe?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If someone is about to die, make sure you tell them you love them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand I'm back. In all honesty, I thought this was going to be the end of this fic, but I guess not. So welcome to the penultimate chapter! Enjoy...

**Niall**

 

What do I do what do I do what do I do?

I’ve been saying it over and over ever since Simon fucking Snow left. That might have been ten minutes ago, or it might have ten hours, time tends to blur a little when you’re in the middle of an homosexual crisis.

I don’t want to die. That’s the only thing I’m certain of, that I don’t want to die.

But, that’s not going to happen. Even if I could suck up the courage and just tell Dev that I’m in love with him, it wouldn’t change a thing. My love would still be  _ unrequited _ .

He could never love me…

The doors to my ward fly open, and it’s only when I start to see stars that I realise the machine next to me, the machine that’s _ breathing _ for me, is beeping. 

I fall back into the darkness of death, and part of me wonders if this is what Baz feels like when he gives into the vampire part of him. 

But fuck that, if I’m about to die, I won’t spend my last thoughts on Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch.

No, I’ll spend this time thinking about Dev. About the world I want to live in, where I _ don’t _ love him and everything just makes sense. A world where I’m not about to die because a bunch of tulips are growing in my lungs. 

Just a normal world.

I remember, once, in seventh year, I saw Agatha Wellbelove crying behind the football pitch. It was probably the only time we ever had a serious conversation.

She looked up at me with a tear-stained face (and somehow even a miserable Agatha was a thing of beauty) and spat out “What do you want?” 

“Only getting a stray football babe,” I winked at her, “And if you’re going to cry, maybe do it somewhere more private.”

“Just go.” She looked back down to the floor, and I probably should have gone, but I didn’t. I don’t really know why, but I sat down beside her and asked what was wrong.

Apparently she was too sad to try and keep her thoughts secret, because she actually confessed what the problem was.

“This whole school!” She sobbed, and fell back onto the grass with her arms outstretched. “This whole fucking school. How everyone here just  _ loves _ magic, and how nobody even sees how it  _ could _ be a burden, how much pressure is on you to  _ love _ magic, just like everyone else does, and you can’t just be normal!”

__ I probably learnt more from that one speech than I did that entire year. I wonder where she is now, I think I heard she ran off to America or some shit.

_ Lucky you _ , I think,  _ you got away _ .

Somebody shakes my shoulders, and I’m back.

 

**Dev**

 

Doctor Wellbelove is in the room when I arrive, and that can’t be a good sign, but I ignore it because he’s going to get better, he  _ has _ to get better.

“I'll leave you boys to it.” He strides out of the room, and the chasm growing in my heart is growing too deep to ignore.

“So?” I venture, sitting on the side of Niall’s bed. “Any changes?”

He looks up at me, and his face is so miserable it makes my heart ache.

“I’m going to die Dev.” 

“No, Niall, don’t say that, 

you  _ won’t _ die, I won’t  _ let _ you die.”

He laughs miserably. “What can you do Dev? I’m already losing the ability to breathe in one of my lungs, it’ll be gone soon. In a couple days time, I’ll, I’ll be..”

 

**Niall**

 

I can’t say it.

 

**Dev**

 

He can’t die. My best friend can’t die. I can’t lose you Niall. I just can’t.

“What about, is there, surgery? Can’t someone take out the plants or -”

“Shut the fuck up Dev. even if there was surgery, I would have to stay hooked up to a machine for the rest of my short life. I’m done Dev. This is it.”

I can’t help it. I know I’m crying, and I can’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks.

He smiles. Pathetically. 

“This is goodbye mate.”

 

* * *

 

 

He fell unconscious, again. As soon as he said that. And somehow, in my heart, I knew he wasn’t going to wake up again.

Wellbelove came back in, and by then I was sobbing. 

I called Baz, when I could, and he said he was on his way, and Wellbelove said he’s call Niall’s parents. They would be the ones to make the decision to take him off the machine.

After that, I ran. I just ran, until I ended up at home.

He’s really going to die. I’m going to -

Oh god, Niall, I can’t do this shit without you. It was always us two against everyone. 

_ Please Niall, don’t leave me alone… _

 

 

“Crowley, what a sight for sore eyes you are.”

 

**Baz**

 

Dev might have thought I was going to the hospital, but there’s no way I was leaving him alone.

_ And you also wouldn’t have been able to stand the guilt of seeing Niall _ , the voice in my head whispers. 

I block that voice out. It’s easy, I just look over at Simon curled up in the passenger seat next to me. When he’s with me, it’s ok.  _ I’m _ ok.

“I thought he was almost as rich as you.” Simon says when we pull up in front of Dev’s flat.

“Oh, but don’t forget, he’s miserable, and rich people are drama queens so we buy small dirty flats to prove our depression.”

When we get to his front door, all it takes is an  **_Open Sesame_ ** and we can see Dev sitting there with his head in his hands, sobbing, looking straight ahead but not seeing anything, I would imagine, except Niall lying on a hospital bed. 

“Crowley, what a sight for sore eyes you are.”

“Baz, be nice.” Simon crosses over the threshold and pulls out the chair next to Dev, sitting backwards on it like he’s in some eighties music video. 

It’s slightly disturbing how I find basically anything he does hot.

“Well, is he -”

“He’s dead. The machines are breathing for him. By now he’ll have lost the ability to breathe on one side of his lungs. Wellbelove called his parents, they’ll make the decision to take him off the life support machines.”

He says this in the most bland tone I’ve ever heard come out of Dev’s mouth.

Simon hugs him, but I don’t do anything except slide my hands into my jacket pockets. 

“But, can’t they do  _ anything _ ?” From the tone of Simon’s voice, you would think it was his own mother lying dead in a ward somewhere.

“Surgery would leave him hooked up to machines for maybe five years, if he’s lucky, then he’d die. That’s not a life.”

“Oh god. That’s awful.” Simon hugs him again, but Dev doesn’t move a muscle. He just keeps staring.

“You know, he could just tell the person he loves that -”

“He’s not going to do that.” Simon mutters. “He fucking made that perfectly clear.”

Dev turns to both of us, by that point I’m leaning on the back of Simon’s chair, and a little bit of light comes back into his eyes, just slightly. 

“Do, do you know who it is?”

Simon shakes his head. “He knows, but he’s pretending not to, and he wouldn’t tell me. It’s not like I was expecting him to regardless.”

Dev moves his head, ready to fall into the state of oblivion he must have spent the entire day in, but I catch his chin with my palm.

“Hold on Dev. Niall’s about to die. Let me tell you, talking to a grave is not talking to a person. This is probably going to be the last chance you’ll ever get to tell him all the things you want to tell him. The last time you’ll ever see him vaguely alive.”

Simon looks at me like I’m not helping, and Dev just stares. I keep going.

“So get the fuck out of this miserable apartment, go to the hospital and tell Niall all the things he needs to hear. You can sit at you table and do nothing for the rest of your life, but right now Niall needs to hear that someone loves him and -”

Dev leaps out his chair and Simon jumps. 

_ Knew it _ , the voice in the back of my head whispers. 

“What, what did you say.” Dev runs his fingers through his hair and looks slightly insane. 

“I said, Niall needs to hear -”

“That someone loves him.”

 

**Dev**

  
Niall needs to hear that  _ I _ love him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww how cute and sad and yay Baz and Simon.
> 
> This fic is so stupid I'm sorry.
> 
> Anyway, see you for the final chapter!


	4. Chapter 4 (ending)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to save your true love...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOOP WHOOP FINAL CHAPTER
> 
> yes, its almost done, and im not gonna keep you waiting around up here so enjoy!

**Niall**

Well, my final hour has begun. This is it. My time’s up. God is calling me home.

And all of that bullshit.

It's painful, really really really fucking painful, but I’ll be strong. If I’m gonna go out in the most stupid way possible - a tulip bush (if that’s what it’s called) sprouting in my fucking lungs - then I’ll put on a brave face.

I can barely breathe now. Faces are a blur and my ears are filled with constant ringing, but that could just be the beeping of machines that are keeping me alive for as long as possible.

I just wish they would turn them off, at this point. But the doctor tells me that dying with the machines breathing (as best as they can) for me is going to be easier than dying without them. I’ll take anything at this point.

I’m basically dead already. Nothing, and nobody, can save me now. 

 

**Dev**

I can’t be late I can’t be too late I can’t be too late I  _ can’t _ be too late. 

I refuse to be too late.

Taking the train was too slow and I wasn’t in the mood to care about magical stability, or hell, even my  _ own _ telepathy, so even though it’s risky as shit I teleported to the hospital. Somehow it worked, and thank god nobody saw me.

But even if somebody had I wouldn’t have cared. Nothing was as important as Niall.

Maybe me realising I was in love with him wouldn’t do anything, maybe nothing could save him, but I refuse to let him die and not know. Even if he just dies feeling pain and embarrassment. 

But this is one mistake I’ll never be able to mend.

And over  _ my _ dead body is he going to die without me ever having kissed him.

 

**Niall**

I didn’t think I was going to wake up again after Dev left, but I did. And now I’m alone. Death is going to be the last face I ever see - that was some line of poetry that Baz already liked to quote.

The pain is gone, well, no, it still hurts like hell, but it’s fading into the background. That means I have minutes, and then it’s lights out.

Not so scary, if I’m honest. What else was I gonna do with my life?

I know that people say your life flashes before your life before you die, but they’re only half right. It’s more like buried memories come back to you, and I’m reliving them now.

I say it all out loud, because somehow that makes it more real and I have the strength to speak again.

“First year: Baz walking up to me with his hand outstretched, telling me that ‘we can be friends because you have a vaguely posh name’ and Dev, standing behind Baz, making bunny ears over the top of his head, and then I couldn’t help but laugh as Baz turned round and threw a ball of fire at Dev’s head. His eyebrows were gone for a month. 

“Second year: Baz appearing in the middle of our room carrying a miniature chalkboard and a bag of multicoloured chalk, telling us that ‘Simon Snow has to die and we’re going to make a plan of how to do it now’ and then Dev just threw a pillow at him and rolled over. 

“Third year: Dev shaking me awake and making me skip Greek; he really wanted to prove Baz wrong and jump in the lake because ‘Baz doesn’t know what he’s talking about, of course I can deal with the cold’, except then he was in the hospital wing for a week because he caught hypothermia when I was too busy laughing to pull him out of the water.

“Fourth year: Dev and me throwing paper aeroplanes at the back of Baz’s head in Magic Words until Simon looked at me and went ‘nice one’ so Baz caught the next plane I threw at him, set it on fire and lobbed it at Snow. He had detention for two months.

“Fifth year: Dev had detention for swearing at the Minotaur so I forced Baz to teach me the spell to pick locks and then I broke him out, and we would never have gotten away except for the fact that Simon came flying down the stairs and distracted him. 

“Sixth year: I fell out of a window onto Agatha because I’d found a glass of whiskey in the kitchen and Simon almost punched me except Baz caught his fist and then Dev tried to turn his hair pink except he hit me instead and my entire body stayed a glowing magenta for the rest of the day.

“Seventh year: Dev had a nightmare about something and kept screaming, so we snuck out to the edge of the woods and to keep him awake I told him as many stupid stories as I could think of until he felt better. Then he hugged me and said ‘I’m so fucking glad we’re friends because otherwise I’d just have to listen to Baz scream about Simon all the time’. 

“Eighth year: When Baz wasn’t there and we were just wandering the halls a bit lost because most of our time was taken up by devising ways to kill Simon, so Dev decided that ‘we should just think up the most ridiculous ways to kill everybody else in this hellish place’, and so we did and had a massive A3 folder with a sheet for everybody and I accidentally set it on fire.”

Suddenly, I realise that I’m not alone.

Because I can hear somebody crying in the doorway.

 

“Or how about ten years from now, when I’ll still be making bunny ears behind Baz’s head, throwing around pillows, being drowned by my best friend, throwing paper aeroplanes that catch on fire, breaking out of detention, turning you every colour in the fucking rainbow, being comforted by you and only you, and making really stupid plans that you set on fire time and again.” Dev sobs.

 

**Dev**

Hearing him talk like that, it broke my heart. Because if he’s being sentimental, he fully believes that he’s going to die. 

_ He can’t die _ .

I take his hand, and there’s no words for what I’m feeling and there’s no words that could be said, because nothing is going to make this better.

So instead, I just kiss him.

 

**Niall**

And suddenly I’m breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I'm a bitch that was cruel.. oh well whatever read between the lines it's fluffy I promise.
> 
> Anyway, now that this is over, I really shouldn't do what I'm about to do but I'm going to do it anyway because I have no life: START A NEW HADESTOWN-BASED SNOWBAZ FIC so there's that coming up at some point hopefully, it's a gonna be called His Belladonna Kiss
> 
> I didn't expect to be too sad of letting go of this story, I mean, it was short and all, but Dev and Niall really were fun to write so you should try it sometime!
> 
> Well, I'll see ya around!  
> Mae xx

**Author's Note:**

> So originally I was just like to heck with this and planned for a one-shot, then realised how long that one shot would have ended up being and scrapped that idea.
> 
> You're looking at maybe 3 chapters? I dont know, this is unplanned and shitty and I'm tired and I'm gonna go eat my breakfast now.
> 
> Also I imagine them to all be texting on Discord so that justifies the stupid-ass names. 
> 
> If you have any ideas for any more shit you wish for me to publish, my tumblr is @Mae1505 because I don't know how to attach links YAY.
> 
> Anyway, drop me a message and I'll possibly maybe consider it.
> 
> See ya next time!


End file.
